


C'est la Vie

by i_is_who_what



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - No Miraculous, Anger, Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, I'm Sorry, Mental Health Issues, Muteness, Panic Attacks, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Slow To Update, Sorry Not Sorry, We Die Like Men, ana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-07-26 00:18:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20034721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_is_who_what/pseuds/i_is_who_what
Summary: Marinette finds herself in a mental hospital. In the midst of all the chaos, love may be found.





	1. Fire and Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Everything Will Be Okay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18237941) by [QuantumChickpea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumChickpea/pseuds/QuantumChickpea). 

> Slow to update
> 
> Sorry for all the mistakes

It was never supposed to end this way. Nor was ever supposed to start in the first place. The fire spreading through her veins. Only to be sated by opening them and letting the blood flow and pool. The weakness and dizziness that followed and the blackness that enclosed. The bliss of peace.

And then the hell of waking up. The pain of concern. Of people. Of living. She had let them down and that alone was enough to make her want death. Even then, the words of her peers swam around in her head. They had pushed her to this. To the silence. To the darkness.

  
  


_________________________

Expectations. Hate. Fear. Anger. The crushing reality that he would never be good enough. No matter how skinny he became, how hard he tried, or what he did. He would never satisfy his father. Every calorie a failure. Every pound loss a success. But did his father notice? No.

That's why he found himself here. Alone with Plagg swirling around him. Constricting his lungs until he couldn't breathe. Encouraging him to swallow. So he did. Every. Last. Pill.

________________________

“Welcome to Miraculous Healing,” The nurse was saying. Marinette tuned her out, observing the stitches holding her arms together. She really wished it had worked. It hadn’t.

Marinette followed the nurse down the hall. Light olive green walls, cream ceilings, and light tan hardwood floors made up the majority of the facility. Dents in the walls. Locked doors. Reinforced glass. Barred windows. Old red couches. Plastic furniture with no sharp corners of screws.

The nurse pointed out the day room and the nurse’s station and the boys’ and girls’ rooms, then lead Marinette to a small room by the nurse’s station. Only a hard bed in the middle of the room that held any interest. It was also the only thing in the room.

Another nurse replaced the one who had led her in.

“I’m Nurse Bustier,” she said with a small smile. The nurse asked her a series of questions that she had already been asked at the hospital. She ignored the nurse. Not that Marinette talked anyway.

The nurse had her strip. She was inspected and any injuries were catalogued. Her discarded clothes were searched. Her shoes were taken. No laces allowed. She was weighed and given back her clothes to redress. A pink hoodie and black jeans. White-flowered socks.

She pulled up the hood and hid in her hair as Nurse Bustier lead her down the hall to a room. There was a girl sitting on the bed. She had dark tanned skin with auburn hair that ombréd to lighter orange-red colour. She wore glasses that magnified her hazel eyes.

The girl smiled at her and stood up. “Hi, roomie! I’m Alya. It's nice to meet you. We will have SO much fun together. I can’t wait to get to know you,”

She nodded and offered a small wave. She shifted further behind her hair and chewed on her bottom lip.

“Alya, this is Marinette. You two will be sharing a room,” Nurse Bustier explained.

“Marinette! Oh, that is a beautiful name. I’m going to call you M. Is that all right? We are going to be great friends. I can already tell. Let me introduce you to everyone,” Alya rambled, grabbing Marinette’s hand. Marinette flinched violently and jerked her hand away, cradling it to her chest as if she'd been burned.

Alya took her reaction in stride. It wasn’t abnormal for that to happen around here. Marinette still followed Alya out to the rest of the young adult ward. Due to the fact that this was a private institution, the best money could buy in fact, they had a separate ward for those ages 18 to 23.

Alya took her to the day room. Several people were seated on the red worn couched around the tv and on the floor playing cards and doing puzzles. “There's Rose, Juleka, Alix, Kim, Max, Ivan, Mylene, Sabrina, and Nathanael,” She rattled off pointing to each in turn. The thing that struck Marinette was the fact that very few of them looked like zombies, brains addled by psychiatric drugs. The other thing that struck her was how open and unapologetic they were. Several and scars covering their bodies, giving them a tiger-like print. The girl with a goth look and dark, dip-dyed purple hair had several tattoos. Another tall boy with a well-muscled body had burns up and down his arms. All their imperfections and uniqueness was out for everyone to see. And no one seemed to care.

“Everyone,” she said just loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Marinette picked at her nails and hid in her hair as everyone turned to look at her and Alya. “This is Marinette,” Mumbled welcomes hummed around the room. She offered a very timid wave and followed Alya out of the room as the girls turned from the room.

Alya led her to the sitting area near the nurse’s station. A dark-skinned boy with glasses and a peculiar blue t-shirt with an eye printed on it sat tapping out a beat on the arm of a smaller red sofa.

Alya jumped into his lap and giggled as he jumped, coming out of his reverie.

“No contact,” A Nurse from the station reprimanded. Alya continued to giggle as she slid off the boy’s lap to sit next to him, just barely touching knees. When the nurse turned her back, Alya quickly leaned over and pecked him on the cheek.

“Nino,” she chimed. “This is M,” she gestured to me. “Or Marinette,” She added as an afterthought. “M, this is Nino. My boyfriend,” she added in an undertone, just loud enough for Marinette to hear.

“Nice to meet you M,” Nino greeted her with a rough smile.

“She doesn’t talk and she’s very shy, but she seems nice,” Alya informed him. “I’ve introduced her to everyone.”

“Really?” He asked, seeming surprised. “Even-” She cut him off with an inconspicuous jab to his ribs. Marinette would have missed it if she hadn’t zoned out on the conversation and started cataloguing the details of Alya. It sparked her curiosity, but she had no way of asking Alya about it. 

She whirled around as a loud yell echoed down the hall and the thud of a fist against the metal wall. More yelling. A tall blonde guy was being mobbed by nurses at the end of the hall. She couldn’t make out his face, just the mess of blonde hair being dragged into the quiet room by the door to the courtyard. He fought. He fought like hell. His skinny limbs breaking through the nurses until all of him finally disappeared behind the door.

It wasn't until she couldn’t see him anymore that she realized she was shaking. Tears streamed down her face and tremors wracked her body. She shrunk to the floor bringing her knees up to her chest. The panic.

_ Poor Marinette. _ Tikki simpered, swirling and surrounding her in red. The red of blood and rage and danger. Red of resentment.  _ Dumb Marinette. Lands herself in the nuthouse. You know, this could have been avoided if you had just done it right. But you fucked it up. Just like you fuck up everything. _

The tears intensified and she dug her nails into the soft skin exposed by her ankles.

_ Oh, Mari. You can’t escape. You’re trapped with me. Because you’re too stupid to escape. _

She dug her nails in deeper and felt the stinging as they broke the skin. Thin lines on blood dripped down her ankle and stained her socks with the Crimson.  _ Dumbass _ Tikki hissed in her ear.

She focused on the pain and Tikki dissipated, leaving her alone in a shaking ball on the ground. It took her a few minutes, but she calmed down enough to get up and retrieve a nurse to unlock her room so she could lay down. She was so exhausted from the anxiety attack that she collapsed on her bed immediately. But sleep didn’t come.

Instead, she stared at the ceiling, counting the tiles and wondering about the boy she had seen. She could tell she wasn’t supposed to have seen him. Alya had feigned ignorance when she had pointed at where he had been and given her a questioning look.

She rolled off her bed and grabbed one of the intake pamphlets they had given her. She grabbed the half pencil she had stashed when they’d had her fill out paperwork from her pillowcase.

On the paper she scrawled:

Who are you? I just got here and I’m not supposed to know who you are. Are you okay?

She signed it Ladybug xx because she didn’t want anyone else discovering the note and coming after her. Then she got up and left the room. She ‘wandered’ down the hall to the quiet room and surreptitiously slipped inside.

The blond boy was in restraints laying on the bed. His eyes were closed, but he looked up and she nearly tripped over her own feet, entering the room.

“Who are you?” He asked, confused.

She shook her head and held out the note she had written for him to read.

“I’m Adrien,” He told her. “Do you not talk,” He quickly scanned the letter. “Ladybug?” He added with a glint of humour in his dead green eyes. She noticed that they were a vibrant colour, but they held dead, empty darkness behind them. Bags were dark under them and his cheekbones were high and prominent. His blond hair fell in his eyes. She couldn’t help but notice how incredibly beautiful. This realization made her cheeks turn pink and she withdrew into her hair.

She shook her head in response to his question. Then gestured for him to respond to the rest of the letter. He obliged her.

“I am considered a ‘distraction’,” he sighed sadly. “Apparently my angry outbursts and refusal to accept treatment makes me a bad influence. They only let me talk to Nino. He’s my ‘good influence’.”

She pointed to the last question on the paper, concern lining her features as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“I had to see my dad,” He said as if that was supposed to explain everything. When she obviously remained confused he elucidated. “He wants me to be perfect. He thinks my stay here is a distraction and it's ‘interfering with his business’. Like I give a shit about his business. He can’t even be bothered to show up in person. No. He just sends his assistant Nathalie. I don’t even know why they still make me talk to him. It's obviously a trigger for me. I end up here every single time.”

As he spoke, Marinette had moved closer to him until she finally took a tentative seat on the edge of his bed.

“So why don't you speak?” he asked her.

She didn’t quite know why, but she grabbed the half pencil from her hoodie pocket and started to scribble on her paper. Maybe it was because he seemed so nice and eager to hear about her. Or maybe it was because he had just shared so much with her, but she wrote down everything she could think relevant.

They heard another commotion outside. She probably wouldn’t have any other chance to slip out unnoticed. Adrien noticed this too.

“Go now,” He hissed. Marinette nodded at him, writing her room number in the postscript and tucked the pencil and pamphlet in his pillow. He nodded at her as she slipped out.

Turns out that the commotion was caused by a small girl with blond dreads. She had thrown up all over after stuffing down 10 bags of pretzels. Marinette hurried to her room as the Nurses were directing the patients to do. When she got back to the room, she just sat on her bed, zoning out as Alya babbled on and on about various things.

____________________

  
  
  


Chat Noir,

I’m calling you that because you kinda remind me of the cheekiness of a cat and you were basically wearing all black.

I stopped talking because whenever I did I would screw things up. If I asked a question in class, my teacher would tell me how obvious the answer was and how stupid I was. My classmates would make fun of whatever I said or ignore me completely. My parents never acknowledged me. We run a bakery, and they’d just order me around like a servant, baking and filling orders and working the register and bussing tables. They never listened to what I said. If they did, it was to reprimand me or correct me. I would stutter a lot and that also caused a lot of bullying. So I just stopped talking. I haven't spoken to anyone in over 4 months.

I’m not quite sure why I’m telling you this. I really haven’t communicated with anyone in just as long. No one cared.

Please continue to talk to me. Unless you don’t want to, which would be completely understandable. I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. Don’t feel obligated to draft a response. Sorry for bothering you with my ramblings.

Ladybug XX

P.S. If you respond, do so under a pseudonym and I’m in room 116 at the end of the hall.

_____________________________


	2. Some say the world will end in fire

Adrien stared at the letter in his hands.  _ How?  _ He didn't know Ladybug well, but he knew she was incredibly considerate. The sedation had made his memory foggy and muddled. He felt a bit sad that he didn't even remember her real name.  _ Ladybug. A symbol of luck.  _ Heaven only knew how much luck he could use.

The door of the quiet room started to open. He nearly jumped out of his skin and stuffed the letter into the waistband of his jeans.

As he did this, he pulled it away from his body, judging the width of the gap. About 5 inches. He'd lost weight. 

_ Good, _ he thought cynically. The nurses would have his hide, but his father might finally be proud.

_ Why would you think that?  _ Plagg whispered in his ear. Adrien shook him off and tried to pay attention to Nurse Bustier who was saying something to him about the meds he had just taken.

Yeah, that didn't happen. Plagg swirled around him and his head spun. Spinning hallucination plus lack of food did not do anything for his balance. Not his sanity, come to think of it. 

As he spun, Plagg found it necessary to tell him all his insecurities.  _ Imperfect, fat, chubby, piggy, insufficient, worthless, ugly, fuck up.  _

Welp. Ain't today great? 

Plagg kept spitting insults at him while he did his best to block him out. Nurse Bustier’s next words shook him from Plagg’s attack.

“Your father has made an appointment to see you after breakfast. You are welcome to join the other patients, but you will be sitting with the nurses, ``she finished with a sweet smile like she was giving Adrien a treat. Yay, I get to go to the meal! It's not like I was going to eat it. 

He sighed and got up, taking a moment to steady himself, before following Nurse Bustier out to stand with the other patients at the end of the hall near the door. 

Nino sprung up to him as another nurse joined the outgoing group. The new nurse buzzed them out and the patients gravitated forward and out to the cafeteria. 

“What's up man,” Nino asked all too cheerfully. 

Adrien groaned in response. He nodded in understanding. Nino was his closest friend in this hellhole. He knew how Adrien felt about meals.

They got to the cafeteria and went down the food line. Adrien didn’t even look at his tray as he answered the simple questions from the cooks.

“Cheese or no cheese?”

“No cheese”

“Bacon or sausage?” 

“No thanks”

“Hot or cold cereal?”

“Cold,”

He finally escaped the line and went to sit with the nurses at the circular table nearest the kitchen. He glanced at his plate. Rubbery eggs, mushy cereal, and unripe fruit. He choked down a gag and averted his eyes. As he looked anywhere but at the nurses or the food, his eyes landed on her.

The blue-haired beauty hiding in her pink hood seated at the table across the room. Only one girl, Alya, Nino’s girlfriend, was sitting with her. He started to stand, but one of the nurses cleared their throat.

He stopped. According to everyone, they didn’t even know each other. He didn’t want to get her or himself in trouble. He sank back into his seat and picked at the food in front of him. He didn’t eat any of it. He just cut it into tiny pieces and moved it around on his plate. Then picked up the tray and threw all the food away. Calories? Hell NO. Especially not right before seeing Nathalie with his Dad. The last thing he needed was another lecture on his weight. He gave himself enough of those.

He turned around to head back to the table when he felt a presence behind him. He spun back, gripping the table for used trays to steady himself as the world spun. Ladybug.

She gave him a small smile. He leaned towards her on the pretext of reaching behind her for a napkin.

“Hey Ladybug,” he whispered in her ear. He was pleased to see a light blush dusted her cheeks. She smelled like vanilla and the shitty hospital soap. It was a surprisingly intoxicating smell. 

She grabbed his hand, turning it palm-up and wrote ‘A-D-R-I-E-N’ against his skin with her finger. They smiled at each other as they parted ways. 

“I’ll write back soon,” were his parting words. He left her a silent blushing mess.

He sat back at the table, glaring at the nurse when she asked him if he ate. He obviously hadn’t. 

He thought about Ladybug. How could he be so drawn to her after 2 short run-ins and a letter? She didn’t even speak for goodness sake.

Nurse Bustier said his name to get his attention. She offered him an ensure, which he refused. Then she had him follow her out of the cafeteria and down a side hall to a private room. It was mostly bright white with locked doors at either end separating the young adult ward from the teen ward. There was a green-ish sofa pressed against one wall with two of the bulky plastic block chairs facing it. 

Nathalie stood up as they entered. She was holding a tablet with Gabriel facetiming on it, as per usual. 

“Hello father,” he greeted, taking his seat on the couch as Nathalie sat down. Nathalie and Adrien exchanged nods as acknowledgement. 

“Hello, Adrien. Are you still enjoying your little  _ stunt _ ?”

“It's not a stunt  _ father, _ ” He growled vehemently. 

“Yes, yes, well,” Gabriel waved his hand dismissively. Anger boiled in Adrien and he dug his nails into his wrist. 

“You have a modelling gig scheduled in two weeks. You must be runway ready. This job could make or break your career Adrien. You must live up to the family name,” At this point, he zoned out. Always the same speech.

Plagg replayed the highlights for me.  _ Blah blah blah, not good enough, blah blah, grow up, not a child. Blah blah blah, uphold the family name, blah blah blah, when I was a kid.  _

He got up, stopping Gabriel mid-sentence. I couldn’t take it anymore. Red-hot rage boiled in his veins. Who was he to tell me what to do? Who was he to order me around? His vision slowly went black as Plagg took over. 

____________________

Ladybug,

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me. You have no clue how hard it was for me to get my hands on writing materials. 

I had a meeting with my father yesterday. It did not go well. My father is ‘The Great Gabriel Agreste’. He doesn't understand anything that is  **not ** work-related. He thinks I’m just on vacation or something. Generally, he’s just an awful human (more like inhuman) being. I’m not even sure why they let me see him. He’s obviously a trigger for me. I lose my shit every single time I meet with that jackass. 

I’ll write again soon. 

Until then,

Chat Noir

P.S. Meet me on the smoking porch at 5 am. 

________________________


	3. Some say ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the chapters and added titles, so some things may be a bit different.
> 
> no major plot points were changed

Marinette finished reading the letter that had arrived late the previous night. It was early Sunday morning or late Saturday night. She wasn’t sure which. It wasn’t like she was going to sleep anyways so she changed and got ready, being careful not to wake Alya.

She left the room and went and sat in the small seating area kitty-corner to the nurses’ station. It was close enough to the smoking porch that she could see if anyone was out there, but also in a place that she could see the clock in the nurses’ station. She had an hour or so until 5 so she grabbed her tablet and started on a new dress design, checking the clock and the porch constantly.

By 5:15 she was starting to panic.  _ He’s not coming _ Tikki told her.  _ He just thought it would be funny to see you waiting for someone who would never even dream of coming. _

Marinette shook her head. ‘He would never do that’ she thought at Tikki. Tikki just gave her a look like  _ yeah, right. _ She got up and ran out onto the porch, panic gripping at her chest. The icy wind made her shiver and she clutched her arms around herself. The dim light of the porch lamp illuminated the empty porch. The railing had a plethora of burn marks and ash dusted the ground under it.

_ He hates you just like everyone else. You’re sooo annoying. No wonder he aban-- _

A voice cut Tikki off. “Sorry I kept you waiting. I had to convince the night nurse to let me out,” Adrien apologized. At Marinette’s confused expression, he elucidated. “The meeting with my Dad did not go well for me. They found it necessary to sedate and restain me.”

She nodded and leaned against the railing. Adrien grabbed a match, striking it against the rail and held it to the end of a cig he had seemingly gotten from nowhere. She studied his face as he took a drag on the cigarette.

His green eyes seemed to glow in the soft light of the porch lamp. He blew the smoke out into the darkness. She shivered as another gust of wind came cutting through the night. She retreated away from the railing to the bench where the overhang provided some semblance of protection from the cold.

“Come back,” Adrien appealed to her, turning towards the bench. “I want to show you something.” He held out his hand to her. She got up and accepted his offered hand, joining him at the railing. 

He removed his hand from hers to point into the sky. She followed his finger to where he was pointing, staring into the night sky. Stars freckled the shy like thousands of tiny ants at a picnic. She breathed a sigh and she took in the sight. It was beautiful.

“I love looking at the stars,” he told her. “They’re everything I wish to be. Bright, small, perfect, and light-years away from everything.”

Marinette frowned and shook her head at him. 

“What?” he asked, slightly defensive.

She hurried back to the bench where she had left her tablet and quickly wrote out a message.

“Stars aren’t perfect and neither are you, but like the stars, you’re perfect the way you are. You’re perfect to me,” he read. “I wish all that was true,” he sighed, looking up at her.

She glared in response and playfully hit his shoulder. “It  is  true,” she wrote out, shoving the tablet in his face.

“I’m not going to agree with you and I know you aren’t going to change your position on the matter. I guess you could say we’re at an impasse. Agree to disagree,” he said.

She turned away from him and instead turned her attention to her design. They sat like that in silence for a while, her drawing and him staring out at the stars before something occurred to her. She quickly wrote out her question and showed it to him, poking his arm to get his attention.

“Why am I here?” She nodded, assuring him that she really wanted to know. “My dad and I got in a huge fight. I told him I didn’t want to model and he yelled at me for I think hours. Then he did some other things and I ran off to my room. I tried to kill myself. Obviously, it didn’t work,” he told her. “I wish it had,” he added under his breath. She heard him and shook her head vigorously. 

“I’m glad it didn’t,” she typed. They turned back out and looked at the sky. They stayed that way for a long time until a strip of colour appeared along the horizon.

“I should get going,” he said and turned to leave. “Bye.” Marinette gave a small wave to his back. Then he was gone. 

The morning was suddenly colder in the absence of Adrien. Marinette hugged herself and retreated to the bench. She watched as the sun rose thinking of Adrien. He was so sad and yet he was already a bright spot in her day and a half there. She stared down at her covered wrists. Even though she couldn’t see the skin underneath, she could sense the stitched under. She clenched her fists and felt the itching pull of the stitches. 

_ Do it _ Tikki said, appearing behind her.  _ You know you want to.  _ Marinette began to dig her nails into her wrist, avoiding the stitches, but still leaving marks.  _ Good girl  _ Tikki praised. 

‘Shut up,’ Mari thought at Tikki. The spindly creature just grinned evilly and got closer.

_ You can’t shut me up. You can’t do anything. You’re useless and naive and stupid. You’re so gullible that you actually believed that Adrien could stand to be around you. _

Marinette reached into her hair which was situated in a messy bun from her attempt at sleep. She pulled out a bobby pin and peeled off the plastic covering, leaving only the painted metal exposed. She unbent the pin and pressed the bare tip of the metal to her not-stitched arm. She scratched at it with the pin until blood dotted the surface of her arm. She kept going, adding more and more lines. Tikki dissipated, leaving her with physical pain and bloody hands. 

She pulled down her pink hoodie sleeves and stuck the bobby pin in the empty hole where the string used to be. Then she walked back into the facility. The clock in the nurses’ station told her it was almost 7. She quickly went to her bathroom, closing the privacy curtain and rinsed off the blood. She stared at the pink stained water as it flowed down the drain.

‘No more,’ she thought to herself, clenching her fists. She knew this needed to stop. That's what the logical part of her told her, but the other, louder part of her, knew it would never stop. The voice in her head looped her thoughts and negativity for her to listen to it 24/7. It would never stop. Never relent. Not until she was dead.

When the nurse finally came in to check vitals and get them up for breakfast, Marinette was laying on her bed pretending to sleep. She could still smell the scent for smoke clinging to her hoodie. She savoured it and let it calm her.

She moved with the rest of the crowd to the cafeteria where she picked up the disgusting food and moved to find a place to sit, Her normal place next to Alya was already taken so she opted to sit at the unoccupied table near the back door where the nurses would normally sit. She put her hood up and stared at her hands in her lap. When the nurses sat on her right, she ignored them and kept examining her hands. Though her stomach growled, she ignored it. She tuned out the noise of the cafeteria and the nurse who was asking her to move tables for reasons unknown to Marinette. She was here first. She wasn’t going to move. As she stared at her hands, she notices a small amount of blood on the cuffs of her hoodie. She quickly pulled them down and his them in her hands.

“Hun,” one of the nurses said, trying to get her attention. Marinette didn’t respond, but the nurse kept talking at her. “Honey, we need you to move. This table is for more difficult patients.”

_ To hell with that, _ she thought to herself.  _ If they want difficult, then I’ll give them difficult.  _ She dropped the sleeves from her hand, standing up and curling her fingers into a fist. She punched the offending nurse in the jaw and followed up with a jab to the chest. The surrendering of the bones as she hit her mark let her know she had accomplished her goal. 

Pandemonium broke out as the remaining nurse called for support to restrain. She felt a sharp pain in her hip before her body went completely numb. She collapsed but was caught and lifted by one of the guards. She vaguely acknowledged someone yelling as she was carried away, back to the ward.

She woke up confused and discombobulated. She tried to sit up, only to find a strap across her chest restraining her. 

_ Well, what did you expect to come from attacking a nurse?  _ Tikki asked her.  _ It was a real flipping stupid thing to do. I guess that's why you did it. Because you're too stupid to actually smart things. Poor Marinette. Fucking things up without even having to open her mouth. _

Tears streamed down Marinette's face as she listened to Tikki’s endless taunts and teasing. She tried to lift her arm to wipe the tears, but it was also locked down. Her right hand had a compression bandage and splint on it. After flexing it, she concluded that it was only badly bruised, a minor sprain at the worst. She had broken her hand before. This did not hurt enough to be broken. 

A quiet knock on the door brought her out from her thoughts and she looked up at the door. Tears still ran down her face, but she had stopped shedding them. 

A tall, lithe boy quickly slipped in. Adrien. 

“Hey, Princess,” he said, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. “You really fucked that nurse up. You broke her jaw and her collar bone.”

At this information, Marinette turned her head away and a swelling of guilt filled her stomach.

“Hey, hey,” he said gently. Trying to get her attention. “I’m not mad at you for it.” Marinette shook her head in response to this. Of course, he would be mad. He should be. She had beat someone up. She had  hurt them. And what's more, she had done it without reason. 

He took her chin and lightly turned her head, so she was facing him. “It's ok,” he firmly assured her. She vigorously shook her head and looked down again. He sighed and undid her restraints, handing her her tablet from her bedside table.

‘It's all my fault. I was unprovoked and I seriously hurt that nurse. All she told me was to move tables and I attacked her. I got mad and now I’m here,’ she quickly scribbled out.

“I get that. I do that a lot if you’re forgetting. I’ve put many a nurse out of commission,” he admitted. 

She glared at him, lightly smacking his arm.

“Hey,” he exclaimed, grabbing his arm and smiling at her. “I’m just being honest. You can’t freak out over losing your temper. It's normal. Just be careful.”

She nodded. She understood what he was getting at. No overly showing your emotions in this hell hole.

‘Where were you during breakfast?’ she asked.

He quickly read it and answered. “I was late because they had to run an assessment to see if I was ‘in the right frame of mind’ to be amongst the other patients. Then your little scuffle happened and they decided to keep me on the ward.”

A knock on the door gave them about a millisecond of warning before Nurse Bustier entered. She glanced up from her tablet, taking in the scene before her. She did a double-take when she spotted Adrien hurrying past her. She put her arm out, blocking his way out.

He thought she would yell at him, but instead, she just said, “Leave the door open when you two are in there together,” he nodded and quickly hurried off before anything else could happen. 

Marinette watched him disappear out the door and then looked down at her tablet that she had quickly switched to show her design as her cheeks became warm with a cherry-red blush.

“So Ms Dupaine-Cheng, how are you feeling?” Nurse Bustier asked. Marinette just nodded to let her know she felt fine, before turning back to her design. She ignored whatever else Nurse Bustier said and focused on the design. It was a cute blouse-skirt combo with an applique flower design. As she re-sketched the neckline of the blouse, she heard the door close as Nurse Bustier finally left.

She sighed and flopped back on her bed. The weekend was almost over and that meant tomorrow she would be bombarded with doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists and social workers and all these people trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Like she needed fixing. She wasn’t broken. She was just born defective.

______________________________________

Chat Noir,

I enjoyed our talk this morning, though I’m sorry it had to be cut short. I’m also sorry that Nurse Bustier found you in my room. I should have heard her and been able to warn you first. I hope you’re not in any trouble.

I’m also sorry for how I acted in the cafeteria. I’m just SO tired of everyone telling me what to do, and where to be, and how to act. It kept you from getting to get out of the unit. I didn’t mean for that to happen. 

I’d like to meet up again soon. I know the week is starting and everyone will be bombarding me because I’m a new admission, but I’d still like to talk with you. It's good for me. YOU’RE good for me … At least I think so.

Ladybug xx

______________________________________


	4. From what I've tasted of desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I editted the last chapters, just an fyi.

Chat Noir,

I enjoyed our talk this morning, though I’m sorry it had to be cut short. I’m also sorry that Nurse Bustier found you in my room. I should have heard her and been able to warn you first. I hope you’re not in any trouble.

I’m also sorry for how I acted in the cafeteria. I’m just SO tired of everyone telling me what to do, and where to be, and how to act. It kept you from getting to get out of the unit. I didn’t mean for that to happen. 

I’d like to meet up again soon. I know the week is starting and everyone will be bombarding me because I’m a new admission, but I’d still like to talk with you. It's good for me. YOU’RE good for me … At least I think so.

Ladybug xx

______________________________________

Adrien wandered to the nurses’ station where he grabbed a cigarette before walking out to the smoking porch. His and Ladybug’s conversation from that morning replayed in the back of his mind. It was a nice change from his usual negative revolving thoughts. 

In contrast to those, his current line of thought dragged him through a much nicer area of his mind. An area that was free of abusive fathers, societal pressures, and personal expectations. When he was with Ladybug, he felt like he could be himself. He knew that she had no expectations of him. He realized how lost within herself that she was. He wanted to help her. Help her to be more comfortable around people. Help her to be herself. Help her to feel loved.

That last thought surprised him. Did he love her? He didn't know. He definitely had a certain fondness to her, but would you call it love? He had only known her for a few days. How could feelings for someone grow that fast? Did she feel the same?

The swirling of chaotic thoughts enveloped his brain, dragging him back to the darkest paths of his mind. The places that told him he would never be good enough for her, that his father would never allow it, that if it somehow worked out and they ended up together, two broken people could never fix each other. 

He was broken. He knew he was broken. He had known it since Nathalie had sat him down to talk about some things she’d noticed. There was definitely something wrong when your Dad’s assistant had to overstep her bounds to ensure the well-being of her charge’s son.

He whither against the railing of the smoking porch, breathing in the smoke and relishing the thrum of nicotine entering his system. He slowly relaxed with the help of the chemical. It was a nasty habit, but it was one of the few things that helped.

His mind turned back to Ladybug. He wondered how she was doing on her first ‘real’ day on the ward. The weekends were lax with no doctors, psychiatrists, or psychiatric social workers. The most they had was a few sessions of group therapy that he knew Ladybug had skipped out on. He too had missed them, due to being out or restrained for the majority of them. 

A nurse poked her head out of the door behind him. “Honey. Psychiatrist Fu says you should attend group today,” she told him.

He nodded and turned away. He stared out at the partially cloudy sky, trying to remember what little information he learned about clouds in school. It was a better use of his time than group. They were probably talking about mindfulness or some bullshit like that. 

He sighed, not being able to remember anything and snubbed out the cigarette on the rail. Then he propped up the snuffed cig so it stood on one end and flicked it, sending it sailing behind the nearest bushes. 

“5 points,” he whispered to himself, before turning and walking off the porch. He walked down the hallway, passing Ladybug’s room, the nurses’ station, the day room where group was being held and finally stopped at his door. He pulled out the key that he had nicked from the janitorial staff and let himself in. He had learned early on that the staff would not let you in your room if it was group. His response had gotten him booty juiced and locked down for a 12-hour stint in the quiet room. It was horrible.

He had taken it upon himself to knick the set of keys from the janitorial cart the next time he’d seen the opportunity. He made his way into the room that he shared with Nino. He grabbed a new change of clothes and a stack of freshly laundered towels and headed to the small bathroom in the room. Closing the curtain, he turned on the shower and stripped. While waiting for the water to heat up, he did a body check.

He wrapped his hands around each thigh, measuring the circumference. He then pinched at the thin layer of skin over his abs. He continued like this, moving up his body and comparing the new measurements to the ones from 2 days ago. He had learned how to measure this way a while ago. It was a skill his father had taught him. It got his fast, correct measurements every time. Useful for the modelling career.

He noted that his measurements were not what he wanted. He had gained weight since being admitted, though not much he was proud to say. He stepped into the shower, using the shitty hospital soap that was in a soap dispenser like those used in public restrooms. When he was done, he pulled on a pair of black briefs, Adidas track pants, black socks, and a black hoodie with white sleeves and four stripes across the chest. He opted for flipping up the white hood instead of asking the nurse for a comb. 

After this was done, he moved to his bed to wait. It was Monday, meaning Dr Fu would be wanting him for a psychiatric session sometime that day.

He had started to drift off when a light warning knock brought him back to consciousness. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Nurse Medeleiev. “Get your ass up,” she said sternly at me. Every patient hated Nurse Mendeleiev. She was rude and close to verbally abusive to us, patients. She treated us like a bunch of animals. In the end, what were humans other than a pack of socially advanced, dirty animals?

He pulled himself off the bed and followed Mendeleiev to the psychiatric office. Mondays and Thursdays it was Dr Fu’s office. Tuesdays and Fridays it was Dr Damocles’ office. Either way, he was not a fan of the talks held in there.

He sat on the boxy plastic chair across an equally boxy plastic desk. Dr Fu greeted me from the other side of the desk where he sat in one of the nicest rolly office chairs. Adrien grunted in response and avoided eye contact with him. He wanted to get this done as fast as possible.

“Nice to see you this morning, Adrien,” Dr Fu said, shuffling through files and finally pulling out Adrien’s. “How has your stay been?”

“Well enough,” he said curtly. It was a flat out lie and we both knew it. What person liked staying here for a week? In that week he had been booty juices and restrained multiple times. Just that shit was enough to make him never want to come back. Unfortunately, none of that close to comparing to the feeling that you're always being watched and the utter lack of privacy we all had.

“That’s good. Do you feel that you are progressing in your recovery at all?”

“I’m fine,” he huffed out. He was perfectly fine, apart from the occasional hallucination… and destructive thoughts… and the not sleeping… or eating… and a slight nicotine addiction. So maybe he wasn’t fine, but he wasn’t going to tell that to Mr Shrink over there. Mr Shrink could just fuck the fuck off.

"Adrien," Dr Fu said seriously. "You know that anything you tell me is completely confidential, right?”

‘Yeah. Just between you, me, and the rest of the people in this godforsaken hellhole’ he thought to himself. Instead of voicing this, he just nodded.

"That's good because it's true. Now we need to discuss the matter of your eating habits," he internally cringed at this. "I have it here from the nurses that you barely been eating over the weekend. Do you want to tell me why?"

Of course, he didn't want to tell Dr Fu why he didn't want to eat, but he really didn't have a choice in the matter. "I wasn't hungry," he lied. It wasn't exactly a  lie per se, but it wasn't the real reason behind his not eating.

"Well Adrien, I know you don't feel that you need help on this front, but you need to follow our meal plan for you. It will keep you healthy,"

That word 'healthy' was what did it. He didn't want to be healthy. He wanted to be acceptable, respectable, and good enough. He wanted his dad to actually acknowledge his work with something other than criticism and disgust.

"Fuck this," he said, standing up. "I'm only here because I was too much of an idiot to not lock the door. I got discovered before I was able to escape. I don't regret my decision, even if it was the result of Plagg's peer pressure. It was the best decision I made. If it had worked I'd be free. Instead, I'm stuck in this hellhole taking to the likes of you and dreading the moment I have to face my dad's wrath in person. I'm leaving," he moved toward the door. Dr Fu didn't try to stop him. Adrien stopped in the doorway and turned to the Dr. "Don fuck up like this with my Ladybug," with that, he left, knowing full well that Dr Fu was now wondering what he meant by 'my Ladybug'. It gave him an odd sense of satisfaction to have confused that piece of shit.

As he made his way down the hall to his room, the hard, flat voice of Plagg came from behind him.

"Nice screw-up, kid. They'll never let you out now," he sneered at me. "They'll never let you out now."

The voice came to resound from right beside him. Looking next to him, Adrien found the dark ominous shadow he had come to associate with Plagg. 

"What kind of freak names their hallucinations anyway?" Plagg brought up.

"Fuck off," he hissed at the figure.

"I don't think I will. I really have no reason behind doing so. Should I tell you what you already know?" Plagg was met with silence from Adrien. "Well, I'll give you a response whether or not you want it. You know what will happen with Ladybug, right? She'll see how fat and ugly you are. It's not like she's blind. She has eyes. Sooner or later she'll realize how disgusting you are and leave you," 

Plagg's words filled him with anger and despair. He had fallen hard for the slight, blue-haired girl. 

He headed into his room, planning on hiding out until after lunch. The image of Ladybug entered his head. Not the insect, but the person. Not just a person, but I beautifully broken girl. A girl with long blue hair that fell in front of her shining bluebell eyes. A girl who was kind and saw the best in everything. 

A small voice that barely existed told him that no matter what happened, she would never leave him. At least in a friend-way. She was a loyal type. The type you can go to, to give you hope when everything seemed so hopeless.

Plagg squashed this small hopeful voice to the point of oblivion. Nope. Hope is not something Adrien deserves. At least, that's what he thought.

From his spot on his bed among his swirling thoughts, he saw a small paper slide under the door. He ran to the door and picked it up. "Ladybug," he breathed out. He read the letter, gulping in the words like a man who had been in the desert for months and was finally given a drink of water.

Did she really want to meet with him? Again? And she thought he was good for her? His heart fluttered in his chest and a wide, genuine smile lit his features. It felt strange, this feeling. It was a warmth and happiness that had been such a distant memory he had wondered if it was just a dream.

He flopped on the bed, clutching the note to his chest like a lovestruck school girl.  _ Ladybug. _


End file.
